Imagine, we rot as we live

Honestly, I don't feel normal.

It is just, something is rotting inside.

Inside.

Inside.

Inside.

Emotion is dead.

And to you, I did not mean to offend or anything. It is just last night I felt terrible.

So far

Been flipping notes for tomorrow's exam whilst listening to Funeral. All of a sudden, a question popped into my mind.

'Have I ever satisfied with myself? Have I ever satisfied with everything I achieved so far? How do I measure satisfaction in achieving anything?'

Have I?

I feel old

I woke up this morning, sweating. The weather haven't improved for the last 1 week. Scorching hot all day. Even tap water felt warm. Geez. Anyway Mom sent me a text message.Says:

"17th May, ada talk pasal kepentingan solat. Mak dah bayar,kita pergi"

Being half-awake, I deleted the text only to realised about it this evening. Mom called and I groaned:

"Apa ni birthday orang bawak pergi dengar ceramah!"

And then mom explained la how the importance blablabla. Okay mom, I'm in. Besides, she needs a company. Who else la nak kena teman, gua jugak!


3 weeks to go and I'm counting. Dah tua siak. Tak perasan pun aku. Rasa macam budak-budak lagi ada ah. I refuse to grow up!

Bamm taramm bamm bamm

Hairan betul, pesal sejak aku balik dari One Utama tadi, dalam kepala aku asyik terngiang-ngiang lagu Sepultura - Roots Bloody Roots ni? Wei Dee, ko layan Sepultura ke sampai aku jadi camni ah? Hahaha.

Haram, button phone aku rosak!Arghhhhhhhhhhh!

Dan bila kau persoalkan tentang Tuhan

Mana tuhan?

Mana tuhan kau?

Tuhan tak pernah berjauh daripada kau, hanya engkau memilih untuk menjauhkan diri dari Nya.

Mana tuhan kau?

Mana tuhan?

Mana kebenaran?

With no human intervention

I don't like human, in general. It's either you, you, you or you.

Why don't you just die?

Twisted and disturbed.

Am sleepy at the moment. Exam in the morning really made me exhausted. And the exam hall was fucking cold. Imagine you are in a meat storage. Yeah. Cam tu lar. I dunno what to write, but I think I wanna emulate Dee's style of blogging; that is...post lirik lagu ngahahaha!

Wolfshade (A Werewolf Masquerade) - Moonspell

She brought the Night hidden in her sad Wolf eyes

The perfume of a twilight, her strongest scent

Half Wolf, Half female - what a strange wedding

Mother Nature that offered us to see...

Her mask lays lost in a fatal dawn

Closed were the eyes of the Sun. He sleeps.

And in the name of Her Father.

She will kill. My child kills.

Your nightly birth. A requiem God can't forget.

For your life is but a celebration of his death.

Without his thorns in her heart. She wears a shadow as face.

A werewolf masquerade. In her eyes the wolfshade.

She brought the Night and by the night was brought

We are but children of the powers she had set free

Strange are the ways of the wolfhearted...

Hoi!

You, and your friends, are freaking me out.

Argh!

Of being absurd

You don't simply say "aku rasa dia orang yang baik dan boleh dipercayai" if you only know a person for a short time being. That's fucking absurd. Bullshit. Motherfucking absurd.Do not get your judgment clouded.

Instead of becoming sXe like your brother did, I become a vegan.So fuck yuhhhhh!

I'm so fucking broke. I literally have RM30 in my pocket to last until middle of May. How the fuck am I suppose to survive until that?

Maybe I should become a vegan. Been thinking of becoming one since middle of last year. Should I?

Lagi-lagi sejak dengar Cattle Decapitation, terasa makin nak jadi pulak vegan haha.

Speaking of Cattle Decapitation, look what I've found from their official site:

*Cattle Decapitation BURGERS!

You heard that right! Tucked away in San Diego’s South Park community is Hamilton’s Pub and Café whom now boast a delicious veggie burger called the “Cattle Decapitation”! Inspired by the local veggie gore band of the same name, the burger’s homemade all-vegan patty is a scrumptious mix of black beans, garlic, corn, potatoes and Hamilton’s secret mix of spices! Add some lettuce, tomatoes, onions and vegan PCS sauce (stands for Phil Collins sucks!), this burger is simply the best damn veggie burger in town and is rapidly becoming their best seller! Comes with excellent homemade pub chips and a bonus side of vegan sweet coconut curry sauce!

Haha. How awesome is that eh?

Okay okay, I need to get out from here. It is too depressing.Screw you.

Gefoltert

Ich muss das sagen.

Ich vermisse Sie schlecht.

Ich liebe dich.

Aber ich kann nicht akzeptieren, was Sie getan haben.

"When she said that she really loves me,Were the worst fucking days"

Of rain and metalheads

Takde yang lebih menggembirakan selain kau dah selesaikan kerja-kerja kau dan lepak bersama kawan-kawan lepas tu. Sejurus selesai final project adv campaign tadi, aku tros pi makan dengan Kamil beserta Contramen kat Santai. Bila para metalheads dah lepak sesama, apa benda lagi keluar kalau bukan pasal music aje memanjang. Dari perihal Rotting Christ nak ke sini, Children of Bodom yang mungkin akan ke sini somewhere in this year gak sampai la ke ura-ura Dimmu Borgir nak ke Singapore. Haha. Tadahal la wei. Aku cuba menikmati saat-saat terakhir aku dengan kawan-kawan kat Shah Alam ni, probably lepas ni dah akan jarang jumpa. Men mungkin akan balik ke utara, Si Kamil maybe akan di sini saja. Aku balik KL sudah ah ya dok.

By the way, it worked. Bila aku start hisap rokok gulung sendiri tah-pe-kenama tuh, aku jarang sikit la hisap rokok. Sebabnya, aku malas haha. Finally, kemalasan tu ada kebaikan gak lol.

Tadi hujan dari petang sampai ke tengah malam. Aku teringat kenangan lama, but somehow, perlahan-lahan ia terhakis. For good. Finally.

Mencari kesempurnaan yang hilang.

Bertemankan lagu dari Vierra - Sempurna (cover), aku pun mulakan kerja-kerja advertising campaign yang aku berhenti semalam akibat sakit kepala yang melampau semalam. Teruk sungguh sakitnya sampai pagi ni aku bangun tidur pun masih sakit lagi. Gila. Aku rasa aku nak demam ni. Bersin-bersin lagi. Laptop aku pun terpalit dengan mukus-mukus ni. Haahaa. Aku tak tahu la, tapi sejak dua menjak ni aku memang cepat marah lah. Hal kecik pun jadi masalah. Begitu teruk sampai hubungan dengan kawan-kawan agak renggang lately. No more laughing, chit chatting. Yang ada cuma suara yang tinggi, sindiran yang menyakitkan hati. Aku terlalu bencikan semua orang, especially perempuan. Sexist ke apa? Aku cuma berharap semester ni berakhir dengan cepat. Aku dah terlalu demotivated untuk teruskan hidup ni. Aku bosan. Aku perlu perubahan. Aku perlu pindah dari sini. Eh. Kot.Aku rasa uninspired. Macam dah takde makna. Aku sekadar nak menamatkan pengajian, tanpa sebarang rasa teruja. Tak macam dulu, bila semuanya dilakukan dengan rasa ecstatic yang membuak-buak. Tolong. Apa masalahnya ni?

Deep down below, you are still there.

Apa khabar kau kat sana?

Aku teringatkan kau kebelakangan ni.

Tapi itu saja yang mampu aku lakukan.

Tak lebih dari tu.

Sebab aku punyai ego yang perlu aku jaga dan bawa.

Ahhhhhhh!

Aku perlu perlahan-lahan berenti merokok.Ya betul Jadinya aku beli rokok yang jenis balut sendiri tu,whatever the name is.

Sebabnya senang. Bila nak merokok,aku kena balut. And balut takes time. Bila takes time,aku jadi malas. Bila malas aku tak jadi merokok. Poof.

Lagi satu kalau aku nak bawak keluar nak kena bawak filter,tembakau dan kertas balut. Banyak tuh dan leceh. Jadinya aku leh tangguh keinginan nak merokok. Poof. Jadi maybe dalam sebulan aku jadi fed up dan quit merokok dan hisap menda lain. Err by that, bukan rokok. Heh.

Wish me luck people!