Forgive us, God.

Funny, when we only seek God during hard times...

When reality hits hard, then only we seek solace to Him.

Funny when we actually know this all too well. We screw up, we get upset, then wee seek Him. Only to forget Him when all things seem to improve. Yet we never learn.

Never.

I/We seek my/our way home to Him. God please help her, grant her ease during this turbulent time.

Oh, decisions.

I'm looking forward to complete the circle and starts up a new one.

Maybe I'm just going through repetition.

And again, maybe I deserve no one. This walk is going to be another long journey alone. Perhaps, it's a lone, one way adventure all along. Time to pick up a speedy, no turning back sprint.

It was fun while it lasted. Hey, at least I still have myself. Baik-baik jalan, luka sikit je tu :)

We all have our own weight to carry, don't we?

Hei, apa jadi?

Sebab busy dengan campaign baru. Tu aje. Sibuk sangat sampai diri sendiri pun tak terurus. Nanti ah gua update. Sekian.

Ramadan & Syawal: Untuk Mereka Yang Terlupa Pengertiannya

Masa mula-mula brainstorm untuk projek Ramadan/Raya tahun ni, gua lontarkan satu statement kepada creative team, "Puasa dan Raya sucks bila kita dah dewasa. Kita tengok dua-dua ni tak lebih daripada upacara yang kita nak cepat-cepat habiskan tanpa menikmati/mendalami ertinya. I wish I was still a kid so I can enjoy this once again". Setelah dicampur, digaul dengan segala jenis idea dan perisa. We came up with this integrated campaign/web films. Gua kena bagi kredit kepada the whole team for the amazing efforts. 

Kenapa Ramadan/Raya sangat bermakna untuk kanak-kanak? Sebab jiwa diorang suci and they can see right through it. Takde pretentious and shit. Just straight from their heart. Enjoy :)









Kemudian, datang brief baru untuk TVC Raya pulak. Gua sebenarnya mati akal. Raya tak menarik pada gua kecuali biskut chocolate chip dan daging dendeng mak gua. Lain daripada tu apa ada? Gua tak suka beraya. Gua tak suka ajak orang datang beraya. Pendek kata, Raya gua adalah Raya versi solitary. Lantas gua share kepada team sewaktu kami diskus tentang hala tuju TVC Raya. Tentang bagaimana seawal pagi Raya Pertama gua bersarapan pancake McD, kemudian naik LRT dari Ampang Park ke Kelana Jaya semata-mata nak buang masa, sambung maraton movie di KLCC sampai malam. Cerita gua mengundang rasa pelik, kenapa macam sekali raya awak? Tanya diorang. Gua jawab, I don't like people. Raya takde makna. Raya adalah masa untuk gua jauhkan diri daripada orang. I don't know what happened after that sebab gua terpaksa bahagi concentration dekat ongoing project yang lain. Gua tak tau la TVC ni berdasarkan cerita gua ke apa, tapi from some perspective it rings true. Kahkah macam perasan la pulak. But whatever. Macam mana? Nilaikan la.






Salam Aidilfitri!

Jawapan Teragung

Ucop berkali-kali tengok jam tangannya. Bedebah, maki Ucop dalam hati. Ujian tengah tahun kali ni sememangnya susah, terutama Sains. Atau Ucop memang tak study langsung, entahlah.

Ada setengah jam lagi masa akan tamat. Bahagian subjektif Sains tingkatan 3 masih banyak yang lompang tak berisi.

Ni semua salah Shahrul Mansor, suruh aku training ragbi hari-hari sampai melepek, bengong! Ucop sempat menyalahkan jurulatih ragbinya. Sebab kepenatan training, Ucop selalu terlelap sewaktu prep lantas tak study.

Jari Ucop pantas memutar-mutar pen menulis sebelum tiba-tiba berhenti. Ucop genggam dengan kukuh. Tersenyum lebar.

Aku dah dapat jawapan kepada semua ni.

'Hanya Allah yang mengetahui jawapannya'

Ucop tonyoh jawapan kepada semua soalan yang belum terjawab. Ucop senyum dan berkata dalam hati, takkan cikgu nak kata jawapan ni salah pulak kan? Berani pulak dia nak lawan ketentuan Tuhan!

Ucop angkat tangan, serahkan kertas jawapan dan berlalu keluar puas. A yang solid dalam genggaman!


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Becoming the Voice

Recently, due to some changes happening at my workplace, I am roped in to help working on female brand. Being a real masculine (sans six pack and shits) I was at first reluctant to get involved. I was like hell no, that's just ridiculous. For the last a year and a half, I've been always working on telco brand and starting this year, banking but never, cosmetics products.

My pessimist self sees this as an attempt to sabotage my career, while my optimist self assures this is just another learning opportunity. But let's be serious, that shit is hard as fuck. But that's just another story.

Few days ago, as one of the effort to familiarize myself with the brand (or as the female Suits call it, initiation ceremony), I followed my mentor for a VO recording. And then, came the revelation.

I always like to spend time talking to my mentor in person, because she's kinda reminding me of my mother (minus the loud voice and all lol), friendly and like any mother, full of knowledge. I think she already knew my hesitation to help them and so I got pep talked during the journey back to the office. The conversation went more or less like this.

'Advertising ni kita boleh anggap tempat a gathering place of failed play writers, pelakon, and all. We have the ability to produce all play, drama, stories tapi most of us tak dapat realisasikan tu sebab...kekangan kerja. Saya nak buat buku tapi sampai sekarang tertangguh. Anyway, as a writer kamu kena assume macam-macam voice dan identiti. Variasi. Berubah ikut brand yang kita kerja. Kalau banking tone dia lain, telco lain, cosmetics lain. Bila menulis, kita bukan menulis apa yang kita nak, tapi kita jadi voice of the brand.'

That hit the spot. I mean I know that for a long time but I never really experience that myself, until now. Be the voice for them, not for yourself. Kalau nak syok sendiri, buat lagi novel. Tak pun jadi pemuisi 140pp Twitter.

I don't know how long I will get involved but now I see it as a blessing in disguise. An opportunity to learn. Might be good for my repo as well.

'Saya tunggu writer sorang lagi, entah bila nak surface. Asyik berenang je' she shot me a meaningful look.

I think its time to crack out the shell and fly. No more comfort zone and shit.

About damn time.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Dilema...or rather misteri.

Damn right.

Gua nak cakap tapi takpe tunggu dulu.

Sebenarnya gua tengah mengayuh kat gym ni. Waktu lunch pulak tu. Dan gua ada menda nak jot down sini. Tapi gua tunggu sampai malam esoklah.


Something big is about to happen.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Duit: Tuhan untuk umat pasca-moden.

Gua sedang workout di gym sewaktu menulis ni.

Gua dapat rasakan keraguan mula bersarang dalam jiwa. Gua ada rasa goyang sikit.

Gua gembira dekat tempat kerja sekarang. In general, I've never feel better than this. Great place, great people and all. Senang cakap tempat ni takde masalah kepada gua.

Yang bermasalahnya adalah gua. Ya, that vernacular writer yang selalu duduk diam dan buat hal sendiri.

Gua rasa incompetent. Rasanya gua belum layak nak panggil diri gua Creative. Bila brainstorm gua hanya senyap. Even translation gua pun dah macam deteriorate. Crafting tak usah cakaplah.

Satu lagi, well... Don't get it wrong. Gua bukan ungrateful ke apa. Tapi gua mula dapat rasa gua perlukan duit yang lebih. Come on, gua dah lepas mid 20s, financial kena lebih stabil.

Jadi awal bulan hari tu gua hadiri satu test untuk kelayakan jadi freelancer satu company subtitling ni. Just for the sake of getting more money sambil mengekalkan day job yang ada. Gua sayang tempat sekarang, takde intention pun nak turn my back against them.

And then, a week has passed.

Gua dapat emel daripada seorang Creative Director satu agensi ni, bertanyakan sama ada gua minat ke tak nak try tempat dia. Now, sebelum ni ada juga HR daripada agensi lain tanya gua nak try ke tak, gua hanya emelkan CV je. Apparently dia tengah cari English writer,automatically gua tak minat. Anyway, yeah CD tu mesej gua mintak gua emel CV dan portfolio kepada dia. Gua cakap okey I'll email you soon. Macam biasa gua akan ignore 3,4 hari dulu. Entah apasal dia duk push tanya bila nak hantar la apa lagi semua. Pun gua buat tak tau lagi. Agaknya dia pun dah hilang sabar, dia mesej terus cakap suruh call dia untuk setup interview. Gua macam whoa ni dah kenapa camtu sekali.

Gua pun tak nak la kena pandang seorang sombong ke apa kan, gua pun emel la malam semalam semua. Haih cepat pulak dia reply. Damn.

I dunno man. Seriously kalau dia interested nak panggil gua interview pun gua dah okay dah. At least gua tau nilai gua dalam scene (sesuai ke pakai term scene advertising?Well,advertising industry lagi ok kot) berapa camne kan. Gua pun nak tengok demand gua tu masuk akal ke tak. Now gua tak nak cakap la kemungkinan untuk nail it tu macam mana ke apa. Honestly, priority gua adalah duit buat masa ni. Tapi kadang-kadang gua terfikir jugak recognition pun penting jugak. Shit.

Okay ni tak sepatutnya jadi dilema. Gua patut senyum! But please, more money! Also, gua patut berusaha lebih!

Haih. Okay gua dah habis berkayuh. Gua nak mandi.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

2012: A Year in Review

Hari ni hari Sabtu (actually dah Isnin, 3 hari gua amik nak siapkan post ni). Beberapa hari lagi sebelum 2012 melabuhkan tirainya, dan 2013 datang menyapa...cey mukadimah kahkah.

Gua amik keputusan untuk review apa yang jadi, apa yang tercapai, apa yang gagal dan macam-macam lagi untuk tahun 2012.

Pencapaian

- Beberapa hari sebelum 2011 tamat, gua rasa dalam 27 Disember macam tu. Gua dapat panggilan daripada ECD tempat kerja gua sekarang. I nailed it. Mereka tawarkan gua kerja dekat situ. Boom. Sebenarnya gua tak expect nak dapat, tapi pada masa yang sama gua terdesak nak duit..maksud gua, kerja sebab dah 3 bulan menganggur. Syukur. 'We want to offer you the job' masa tu gua pekup muka kat bantal pastu jerit puas-puas sebelum sambung perbualan, acah-acah calm and collected. Awesome.

- Sambutan Tahun Baru kononnya nak lain daripada sebelum ni (sebenarnya gua tak ingat bila last gua chill sambut tahun baru sebab rasa pointless) disebabkan gua dapat kerja baru tambahan pula buddies gua ajak chill jadi gua macam okey jom. So uh, nak kata sambutannya disaster tak jugak, nak kata it went well pun jauh sekali. Actually we went to top of Genting Highlands, sebab buddy gua cakap ada fireworks show. Yeah right. Gerak naik pukul 10 malam, lu tau je padahnya camne. Jam packed dengan kereta ditinggalkan tepi jalan, and we actually had to walk all the way to the top. It was stupid, for some reason kami gelak gelak gelak sampai atas. Crazy shit. And then makan McD. What the hell sial hahahaha. Nak makan McD baik chill kat KL je. And then around 2 am nak turun KL balik, visibility was near zero dengan kabus tebal. Jawabnya tidur dalam King, panggilan kepada kenderaan buddy gua ni. Sampai pukul 5 pagi baru turun. Hilarious.

- New workplace. A dream come true sebenarnya sebab gua dah bertahun-tahun berangan nak sertai agensi pengiklanan antarabangsa (tanpa narrow down kepada mana-mana agensi) dan merasai macam mana jadi copywriter sebenar. Awesome place, awesome people, awesome location (walaupun sebenarnya gua harap dekat tengah-tengah KL haha) and awesome brands to work with. Secara kasarnya, gua jadi bayi balik, bertatih macam mana nak mula, jadi newbie dengan kesilapan bangang and shit. All is well.

- Gua travel ke luar negara untuk kali ke 2, ke negara yang sama. Thailand, tapi kali ni ke Chiang Mai dengan seluruh pejabat. Yeaahaaay! Sakit jugak bontot travel ke utara ni, kena tukar flight lagi la hape. Overall it was okey sebab ni kali ke 2 pergi Thai. Yang gua perasan kelainan dia, Chiang Mai ni sejuk sikit, walaupun pukul 10 pagi hawa dingin terasa lagi. Syok. Ciki-ciki sana pun lawa-lawa even yang terserempak kat tepi jalan. Srs. Tour guide cakap orang Chiang Mai ni banyak bercampur dengan orang border jadi diorang rupa lain sikit dari Bangkok ke Pattaya ke. Selain daripada tu takde la keji macam Pattaya yang infested dengan beer bars, hooker tepi pantai dan kelab bogel. Actually gua pusing gak cari kelab bogel sana, tadak pun. Chiang Mai basically macam pekan yang chill je. Gua cuma ada masalah nak cari makanan yang halal. Ada sekali tu dah lapar gila gua makan je ayam, tah halal tah idak. Adoi. Lepas tu balik hotel gua pusing jumpa pulak gerai Muslim, jual beriyani lak tu. Ya tuhan sedapnyaaaaaaaaaa. Bila malam gua pusing market sana, tengok barang-barang etnik, chill usha-usha orang sana, naik teksi trak (diorang panggil red cab). Ada sekali tu member gua tertinggal phone Galaxy S2 dia dalam trak teksi ni, berkicap gak la kejar. Macam dalam movie sial bila gua tahan teksi lain pastu jerit kat cabbie tu ' Follow that truck cab, now!'. Gila babi bayar campak duit je pastu lompat keluar berlari cari trak yang kawan gua tertinggal phone tu. Dapat gak jumpa, apparently cabbie tu jumpa S2 tu and decide simpankan sampai kawan gua cari dia. Jujur aih. Bagus.

Selain chill dan melawat tempat-tempat yang menarik macam Bee Farm (ah dah pergi dah dulu), Sanctuary gajah (ini awesome dapat naik gajah, redah sungai, naik ox cart dan dapat makan halal food!), naik temple atas bukit sampai putus nafas, dinner sampai semua mabuk rabak and all, kami ada team building kat sana. Gua ingat LDK ke apa ke. Rupanya cooking competition, kat cooking school. Awesome, srs. Merasa gak la main api bagai, masak macam-macam. Group gua dapat nombor dua, buhaha bangga sungguh. Also dapat tengok mereka-mereka yang selama ni berkicap kerja kat pejabat tapi sebenarnya terer masak. Oh syok.

Satu perkara yang gua perasan sepanjang berada kat Chiang Mai, asal bas berenti je mana-mana gua mesti terkial-kial cari toilet nak melepas. Member gua pun perasan menda ni, dia cakap gua macam binatang tanda kawasan kahkah. Srs weh. It went well, generally speaking.

- Gua bikin makan tour ke Penang. Sebuah perjalanan yang dirancang last minute, bawak duit cukup-cukup dan pakaian seminima mungkin dengan hanya satu tujuan: makan sampai tergolek. Turned out ia antara journey terbaik tahun ni. Gua tak peduli apa pun, gua datang hanya nak makan makan makan pastu balik. Dari nasik kandar Line Clear, ke cendol popular Teochew, melantak kat Padang Brown, melahap kat Zul's Burger (bersaiz epik) sampailah melawat Toy Museum, huuu tersengih memanjang. Gua pun sempat chill dengan co-editor webzine gua masa kat Penang. Awesome. Sebelum berangkat balik KL, kami naik Bukit Bendera yang sebenarnya dah takde apa pun. Cable car sekarang dah canggih macam LRT, berdesup je naik atas.

- Sekitar Mei, gua attend KL Metalcamp. Gua sebenarnya dah malas nak attend gig, banyak la sebabnya. Satu, One Cafe dah tutup, rasa macam dah tak syok datang gig nak chill kat venue. Dua, sebab gua rasa gua dah tak relevan ah nak tengok gig. Tapi gua turun Metalcamp (siap beli pre-sale ticket!) sebab lagenda crossover DRI dan band death metal kental Hate Eternal mari! Power gila! Hate Eternal punya set punya la berdesing sampai blackout venue kahkah! Sempat jugak la chill dengan kawan-kawan scene dengan mereka yang gua selama ni kenal online saja. Awesome.

- Awal Julai, segala rasa risau gua terjawab bila menerima surat pengesahan sebagai staf tetap kat agensi ni (juga dengan gaji dinaikkan sedikit, syukur). 6 bulan hidup dalam ketakutan, ye lah mana tahu peristiwa kat NSTP berulang. Gua tak sanggup nak hadapi menda yang sama, seriously.

- Rockaway tahun ni power gila. Dapat jugak gua tengok Max Cavalera depan mata, walaupun sebenarnya gua tak minat pun sangat dari zaman dia kat Sepultura ke Nail Bomb ke Cavalera Conspiracy ke Soulfly ke. Gua sebenarnya ditawarkan untuk interview Unearth sempena konsert ni tapi disebabkan gua takde knowledge langsung pasal band ni (gua siap ingat Unearth tu Earth Crisis, punya la bangang) gua tolak la untuk elak daripada malu sendiri. Stellar concert, cuma gua berbulu dengan harga air dan makan yang melambung tinggi. Amenda Coke sampai RM5? Tahap-tahap beer dah tu.

- Barangkali pencapaian/perubahan besar gua pernah dalam hidup gua setakat ni. Gua enrol gym. Serius. Berbekalkan rasa tak senang hati melihat kawan sekolah gua meninggal akibat kemalangan, gua terfikir life is short. Jangan sebab salah sendiri (tak jaga makan, jadi gemuk gila dan berpenyakit) gua mati. What a waste. Mati itu pasti, tapi tak jaga diri sama erti dengan menzalimi diri sendiri. So far progres adalah bagus. Gua belajar mendisiplinkan diri, jaga makan, kuatkan willpower and shits. So far dah hilang 12 kilogram dalam tempoh hampir 3 bulan, Gua memang progres lembab tapi asalkan ada perubahan itu dah cukup bagus bagi pesimis seperti gua.

- Bila Dark Funeral umur mereka nak tour Malaysia, gua tak hairan sangat. Dark Funeral adalah band black metal yang cool tapi bukan dalam liga band yang gua into sangat. Tapi bila tour mereka dibatalkan dan mereka kena rip off gua pun terasa kesian dengan mereka dan baran dengan organizer. Kemudian gua di offer untuk turut serta interview diorang sebelum diorang balik Sweden. Cool beans! So gua dapat spend dekat sejam borak/interview dengan mereka kat Campbell. Nice.

- Macam biasa gua memang selalu beli releases daripada band-band gua minat. Tahun ni highlightnya adalah Eluveitie- Helvetios, Nile - At the Gates of Sethu dan Eluveitie - The Early Years, semuanya didatangkan dengan t shirt yeaaahayyy! Juga beberapa releases tempatan dan non metal gua sempat sambar tahun ni.

- Entah macam mana gua jadi minat nak cuba memasak. Ni semua jadi lepas gua selalu buntu nak makan apa lepas balik kerja dan jugak disebabkan berhati-hati dengan kalori intake gua. Jadi gua mula rajin google recipe la tengok video kat Youtube la tanya sana-sini. Dalam masa terdekat gua nak beli dapur yang lebih mantap.

- Dapat attend Kancil Awards buat pertama kalinya. Malang sekali gua tak submit apa-apa. Oh. Sedikit kecewa agensi gua gagal pertahankan kedudukan macam tahun lepas. Mmm-hmm.

Tak tercapai

- Hajat untuk memiliki kenderaan sendiri masih belum tercapai sungguhpun simpanan dah cukup menjelang pertengahan 2012. Gua risau. Hati gua kata 'jangan, belum masa lagi'. Setakat ni hati/intuisi gua tak pernah salah lagi. Jadi gua ikut kata hati. Yang sebenarnya komitmen bulanan yang merunsingkan gua. Banyak benda nak bayar sana sini bil itu ini. Gua risau gua tak mampu save duit, itu yang membantutkan hajat besar ni. Jadi gua chill aje. Balik lewat dari ofis 3,4 pagi pun selamba naik cab, nasib baik boleh claim. Sama la halnya kalau pergi recording kat studio yang jauh dari jalan utama tu. Redah je ngan cab. Pegi balik keja naik LRT. Setel.

- Gua berhajat nak beli meja study dan rak buku. Siap dah survey kat Ikea. Bila dah pendam lama-lama gua jadi malas dan lupa. Sekarang pun malas. Rasa macam bodoh aje tak beli disebabkan malas.

- Masih gagal memahami emosi dan manusia lain (baca: wanita). Dari segi kehidupan romantik, ia seperti pekan koboi. Yang sepi kebanyakan masa dan hanya ada aksi sekali-sekala. Ada beberapa wanita yang gua sempat keluar bersama (kalau itu boleh dipanggil ritual courting/dating) tapi haram takde satu pun melekat. Sama ada gua terlalu hodoh, takde perasaan, tak reti main peranan atau bebal bertimpa-timpa, gua sendiri pun tak tahu. Impak paling kuat adalah gadis dari Shah Alam, yang ended abruptly. Gua pun tak tahu apasal tah. Wanita, spesies yang lagi tricky dari memahami seekor panda. Salah satu faktor menyumbang kepada kegagalan ini adalah tendency gua untuk over analyze segala menda, mungkin. Takpe. Kita cuba lagi lain masa.

Overall, tahun ini masih macam roller coaster macam sebelum ini, albeit tak berapa chaotic sangat. Banyak benda gua pelajari dan rasanya ada laaa matang sikit. Wise to the game, kata orang putih. Ada hit dan miss, ada yang tak diduga ada yang dah boleh agak. Can't wait too see what's there for me in 2013.

Selamat Tahun Baru. Moga 2013 membawa kita semua ke satu tahap yang lebih baik!

December is ending fast.

Apparently there are few days left before 2012 comes to an end....and I still hesitate to do a re-cap on my 2012. I'm not in the mood of writing at the moment. Let's just re-cap what happened this week.

- December is the month I got really sick after 11 months of working non-stop (including countless of staying back in the office) and all. And then December started with a quite dramatic halt. I fell sick after 2 weeks of annual leave. And I learnt the cause is dehydration and food poisoning. I blame nobody but myself, because throughout that 2 weeks of leave I went to gym almost everyday and burned almost 900kcal per visit. Problem is, I didn't replenish the liquid I lost during workout. Fuck me. My bad. Also a week after I recovered, my body began to manifest vertigo symptoms. Shit getting hard man, I thought I'm going down with flu as well. But nope, demam main-main which actually pisses me off further. As of now, I'm still yet recovered.

- The office Secret Santa gift exchange went well, I think. I got my friend a room spray, I hope she likes it (since it's a Secret Santa, the identity is classified). As for me I got 2 pairs of socks. Looks cute. And about time to get new socks! Thank you SS, you read my mind although I actually wanted Aborted CD so bad :p

- On Thursday, the office held a Christmas party. I was kinda stoked since I was hoping there will be live band and free sodas ( I don't drink btw)..also I might get the chance to see my colleagues getting rabak and all drunken as fuck, that would be awesome (Apparently few videos surfaced on my FB the day after, ada video this guy all drunk while holding live crab and dance while flipping the poor crab, crazy ass shit). And I didn't attend the party. Instead I went somewhere else with some of my buddies, watched them getting stoned and then later grab an awesome dinner at nearby mamak...so weird.

- On Friday, while most people getting panicked about Apocalypse, I on the other hand, remembered exactly a year ago I set foot to this very place, attending interview for this job I hold now. Thank god I nailed the interview (actually I didn't expect to ace it because I gave shitty answers such as 'I want to be a shepherd after I retire from advertising' which sent the ECD laughing crazily) and here I am almost a year and still craving for more experience from this place.

- My brother got married yesterday (I'm the eldest). Good for him. I got lost yesterday since he gave me a confusing direction. Shit got so fucked up after 30 minutes of wandering aimlessly around that area, I sat at the side of the road crying, for real. My brother's big day, I'm late and probably gonna miss it. Fortunately a cab passed by and I managed to hail and made to the akad nikah. Mind you, I only had RM4 in my pocket and the fare was exactly RM4! Not sure if this is some kind of divine intervention but I'm grateful. I even made it before the akad nikah lololol! So dramatic. Later Brother told me he was so worried he bugged his best man countless time asking my whereabout. Only when he saw my hair (he told me he only saw my hair, weird shit) he felt relieved and went on the nikah, sekali lafaz. Saw mother but I didn't even want to talk to her (long story, I rather not tell), abah was there and spoke to him for few minutes. Also he loaned me RM50 so I can go home later. Ugh.

- Christmas is approaching in few days time and then new year. I made few achievements and still tons left unsolved. I'd like to say to 2013 'come at me bro'. This isn't going to be the last entry for this year, I'll try my best to write something to re-cap 2012. Hopefully.

Ewah dah nak habis dah 2012

2012 bakal berakhir dalam tempoh dua minggu.

Tahun ni gua sihat walafiat kebanyakan masa kecuali dekat-dekat hujung tahun ni. Tiba-tiba pulak sakit berturut-turut. Oh well.

Harap gua ada masa nak review pencapaian 2012 ni tak lama lagi.

5 Sebab Kenapa Lu Mesti Layan KARA

Sebenarnya gua dah tak perlu nyatakan 5 sebabnya kalau lu orang dah tengok video di atas. Gua masih rooting for SNSD tapi this time around gua rasa KARA jugak adalah sebuah unit K-Pop yang mampu menggegar iman mana-mana lelaki Melayu. Love you Goo Hara bb < 3

1. Album Revolution dengan chart topping single 'Mister' sememangnya addictive, termasuk yang versi Jepun. Check out that ball busting Mister dance move (aka butt dance).

2. Apparently album Step pun agak menawan, elemen elektronik yang kuat, tiada lagi elemen remaja keanak-anakan. Trek macam Ey! Oh! (intro), Step dan KARA 4 U (outro) mempunyai hook yang kuat.

3. Gua rasa diorang ni macam..god damn it, semua hot, ini menjadikan gua kembali layan K Pop.

4. Goo Hara is love, baby.

5. Fuck it, just go get your copy k?

Okey gua nak siap, jap lagi runner pergi Rock Corner cari album Step. Yeahaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Out of Place Person (OOPP)

Sometimes I wonder, how did I end up in this agency. I don't know. I mean look at me.

Not an award winning creative
No prior agency experience
Not even deemed as a creative person (according to my standard)
A (former)Creative Director of one of KL top agency once belittled me of I don't have what it takes to be a writer.

Now I'm here. Probably the only thing that impressed my ECD was my approach. Other than that, I don't know.

Why, I always ask myself.

I hope this is not another cruel joke by Fate.

Sometimes I just wonder. Is my life is a big joke, plotted by the Great Stagewriter?

I still wonder.


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Sinikal Apathi

There are at times in the middle of the night, I wish I would sleep forever and never see the sun again. Because I feel there is nothing in this life that can offer. So far God haven't grant my wish.

God is unfair. What a joke. 



My life, my whole life is a cruel joke.

The Unblessed 1

Sometimes I don't feel grateful enough of what I have.

Not enough money
Not enough respect gain
Not enough happiness
Not enough love
Not enough time
Not enough everything.

I always feel my existence in this world is merely a supporting act to a show. Never been a main star, so far. Am I really that undeserving?

Staff meeting few hours ago. Fellow creatives unveiled some of their submission for Kancil award. Good? No. Fucking stellar. Mindblowing. I watched for few minutes then huddled myself at a corner. That feeling. Envy. I can't help but feeling envy. Fucking genius, where did they get the idea? Why didn't I think about it earlier? My buddy went ecstatic calling it a breakthrough and some positive shit while I just sat at my place silently.

Thinking how the creative gap that is obviously wide. To date I didn't produce anything that wow my mentor, I'm not even going to mention my ECDs (nice men they are, just listed as top three copywriters with most awards won). I feel ashamed of myself. I tried to write initiatives/scams as much as I can but so far none can impress even myself. What's wrong with me, I don't know.

I need to stop. For now.

I still miss 'Susan Glenn'.



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As Rain Pours Down

I'm in taxi heading home. Jalan Ampang is badly congested. And my arms are aching beyond description.

I'm feeling the urge to contact 'Susan Glenn'. Badly. To be honest I actually miss her, although most of the time she has been ignoring me (this was before I learnt the truth). Probably I should not contact her. By that, I mean severing all ties. All types of communication.

I still miss her.

This is bad.






I should persevere.
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A Deviation From The Norm

First week of October brought me good vibes.

I started my gym workout last Monday. To tell the truth, walking/running on treadmill at first felt like a fat hamster running on wheel. I even got my Vertigo attack on the first day. Shit was hard at first but I persevered. I also had this doubt whether those imaginary gym douchebags (with 21 inch biceps) gonna bully me calling me Walrus or worse Fat Blob. It didn't happen. It was just my unfounded imagination. 4 times a week and I already feel good about myself. Last Friday I asked my trainer to help me to get the reading of my weight. What a pleasant surprise. Ever since I avoided rice for the last 1 month I actually lost 3 kilo. The trainer said I have a high metabolism rate, which explains why I easily gain and lose weight. 

Despite working out every early morning and scoot to work immediately after that I didn't get tired at work, which proved I was wrong again. Instead I feel refreshed and eager to start work. Don't know whether this was caused by my motivation or else. All I know it felt awesome. Fuck, yes.

I didn't really give much thought about 'Susan Glenn'. Like I said before, probably I fell for a wrong person so there's no use of remembering here. Although I admit I did a bit of stalking work...come on, a little bit of stalking won't hurt okay. Kimak balak hang muka macam serombong kapal. Okay that went quite overboard, fuck it I don't care. 

Calm down.

.

.

.

.

.

I am.

Tried my hand on cooking last night. I don't know what went into me but the idea seems to be excellent. Conceived the idea while was working out at Avenue K. Went for lunch and movie after that, only after the movie I felt I should cook for dinner. So I went to MaxValu (after googling the recipes and  barraged my friends with SMSes asking for advice), few hours later tadaa!

Boiled vegs + black pepper gravy, Black Pepper chikin stir fry, Garlic Parsley Potato.

Not to brag, but I think I did it rather good, especially the black pepper chikin. So probably I'm gonna do it again next weekend. At least I know what I'm capable of. I was actually expecting a total kitchen disaster or... some terrible bowel injury haha.

So yeah. Again, I am content.

Of Drama and Fantasy

I nearly lost my calm last night. I was this close *tunjuk jarak jari telunjuk dengan thumb* of bursting into tears. And then my conscience kicked in. The hardboiled, bitter side of me voiced his opinion.

"Go ahead. Cry all you want. Then you'll realize what a complete fool you are. Why would you cry over nonsensical matter like this?"

My conscience was right. I have feelings too. Much like everybody else. But my feelings are not returned. The feeling is not mutual. Only loser would cry because of this.

Then I sat on the sofa. In a living room. With complete silence. I was really drowned in my emotions. I lighted a cig I found on dining table. I had no idea whose cig pack was it. One stick. Two. Three.

My mind went racing for an hour I think. Judging the pros and cons. Trying to rationalize myself it's all been a fantasy all these while. Something that is not concrete. That I've been a Whiteknight, something that I strongly oppose. Then I started singing Delerium- A Poem for Byzantium. I don't remember what happened after that.But I believe I've found a reason to start off a whole new day.

I woke up late this morning. First thing I did was, laugh.

"Fuck, gua dah lambat"

While scratching my butt I head to bathroom. It was the most pleasing morning shower for a long time. I even took the time to iron my shirt. I grinned all the way to workplace. Suddenly, I feel grateful I have a good job and good life.

Now, I'm writing this while going back home. I feel content. Life isn't over. I just stumbled and got a little bit drama. I got carried away, maybe a little bit.

I'm pretty much sure this is one of the divine's intervention to make me one notch wiser. I recovered pretty quick. I know I did the right thing not to go berserk over a female, who I don't even know what she does for a living.

I am content. And I am happy the way things turned out to be. I maybe realized that playing a Nice Guy won't get me anywhere (being douchebag doesn't solve it either). Here's for a one big change!

A.




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