Dugaan banyak, kesabaran nipis

Been a very stressful week.

Something came up at workplace. Turned out one of the ad keluar kat newspaper screwed up and jadi buruk. Full page jadi buruk. Berwarna pulak tu.So the client wasn't amused with what happened and refused to pay for the ads. The cost? RM 35k. Holy mother of shit. Upon inspection on the FA (final artwork) they found my signature. Meaning it was me who approved it to appear on the next's day newspaper (along with the signature of designer and exec designer). And I overlooked it. Fuck, why did I signed it at the first place? Now I know my signature worth RM35k! Agak-agak lu punya signature yang hodoh tu berapa harga? Long story short, the client retracted their threat and paid the ad fee. Case closed. Okay it was a scary experience, and  nearly tarnished my reputation. Sikit lagi, nasib baik. Next time I'll be a jerk and jadi tegas by not simply let any fucked up ads to go into production.

In another unrelated case but still regarding at the workplace, gua dipaksa mengaku iklan birthday Sultan yang screwed up as my fault. Okay now I feel like working with gangsters. Shit, malas la nak ingat balik tapi betul ah bikin gua sikit upset. Bayang ah menda lu tak buat, dan takde bukti pun lu buat, tapi lu kena paksa mengaku yang tu hasil kerja lu dan salah lu. Nak? Sapa nak?Again, case closed. Misunderstanding. But still, berbekas jugak dalam hati. Kalau dah kena sekali, boleh jadi next time kena lagi. Fuck.

Recording lagu Raptor kedua baru selesai tadi.Didn't go well. Drum part sampai 3 take. The whole band tengah tertekan sebenarnya. Udin kurang sihat, baru jumpa doc semalam dan beratus jugak melayang bayar ubat. Jeremy tak dapat hadir recording, dan Anas takde gitar dan efek nak dipakai untuk recording. Keadaan agak fucked up la sebenarnya. hasil kurang memuaskan. Minggu ni agak jahanam haishh.

Pasal duit takyah cakap la, memang setiap masa bermasalah. Skang gua macam tak terurus sangat duit. Orang pinjam duit gua pun tak bayar lagi. Kadang-kadang sampai gua pulak yang kena mintak. Gila sampai camtu! Yang hutang gua cepat-cepat ye bayar balik. Gua pun hidup ada takde je duit ni. Baru awal bulan!

Tapi keadaan takde la se-grim mana pun this week. At least gua get to speak with that particular person setelah 2 years of silence. Gua perasan, dengan orang lain gua takleh jadi diri sendiri bila bercakap tapi dengan that person, it's like almost talking to someone who resemble myself. Too bad we can't be together again, too bad. Well, at least gua masih hidup kan?

Well what do you know about loyalty?!

You could learn a thing or two from this movie. Seriously. And IF you cry after you watch the movie ends, it's okay. The best, most emotional movie I've watched so far.

Hachi's loyalty is unmatched. Can you?

Hatred

Gua dah patut boleh agak bila balik rumah je bersua muka mesti nak bertekak. Tak sampai sejam gua cakap lu. Ada je tak kena. ADA JE TAK KENA. Apasal? Tak suka tengok gua boleh selamba lenggang balik takde mengadu hidup macam sial? Ke memang menyampah tengok muka gua dan expect why the fuck is he here? And then don't start acting like I did something wrong. In the end you made me look like I did it. Why? You don't like it when someone go against you,don't you? You hate it when someone have a different opinion than you, kan? Let me tell you, THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU! Jangan nak paksa gua lah! Gua dah cakap kan jangan sampai satu tahap gua melenting dan buat bodoh aje nanti! So Abah was right. Damn right. 24 years, now it's all clear.

Macam harammm

-Bila gua duduk termenung, tangan mesti gatal nak usap dagu. End up most of the time janggut 3,4 helai gugur.

-Bila gua drive, kelajuan takkan lebih 60 km/h, tapi mulut gua akan mencarut lagi laju dari Gattling Gun. Pemandu KL macam sial.

-Bila gua duduk termenung dalam toilet dealing with the er..dumping session, gua kena pegang buku dan baca. Sebab tu gua pandai hahah. Gua baca di mana-mana saja.Novel cinta paling cun baca dalam jamban sebab they help to ease the bowel movement. Jangan tanya, gua pun takleh nak jawab.

-Bila gua tengok perempuan busty in real life,gua jadi takut . Total distraction, buat tangan berpeluh.

-Bila gua pergi kafe NSTP gua suka rembat tisu diorang banyak-banyak, sebab diorang suka charge harga food mahal. Padan muka!

-Bila gua makan western food (chicken chop for instance), gua pakai garpu kat tangan kanan, pisau kat tangan kiri. Apa? Gua Melayu ah!

-Bila minum air, gua buang straw sebab rasa tak puas minum.

-Bila gua berada dalam keadaan tekanan yang extereme (terlampau sedih atau gembira), gua pasang lagu yang kadang-kadang orang yang kenal gua rasa jengkel...macam lagu George Michael atau pun ...M2M. Ok pe.

-Bila gua tengok budak-budak yang spoilt, gua rasa baran. Hidup ni tak adil. Satu hari nanti gua nak mandulkan semua spoilt brat, padan muka. Pakai duit mak bapak pun nak angkuh ke?

-Bila gua jalan-jalan (tak kira pergi kerja atau saja jalan), fikiran gua melayang-layang fikir menda lain. Selalunya pikir pasal diri sendiri dan perancangan masa depan.

-Bila gua berfikir nak buat keputusan, gua amik masa yang lama nak fikir. Tak lama, dalam 2,3 hari camtu. Kehkeh. Selalunya within that time frame gua akan banyak termenung.

-Bila gua buat keputusan, gua pantang orang cuba pertikai. Skang ni gua jadi anjing ke sampai nak ada orang bautkan keputusan.

-Bila gua...ahh gua nak tido ah!

L E A V E

Reasons why I left:

- My depression is getting severe. I need a place where I can be alone (and commit suicide...okay I made that up)
-I want a privacy. The last thing I want to hear is someone screaming at me and telling me what to do. For fuck's sake, I'm in my mid 20's, gimme some space!
-I want to taste the freedom of being myself.
-I feel I'm being treated unfairly. No more oh you can't do that, you can't to this. No more. Fuck it.
-I'm tired of being compared with other people. Why I can't just be myself? I don't care if Mak Cik Bibah's eldest son is an engineer and make RM5k a month, or Puan Jijah's second daughter is pursuing Master's degree. If they are so cool, go adopt them as your kid! Look, if I like wearing black shirts and spend my money on CDs and shits, what's the problem? Why must I fit in your point of view? Why must I be like others? Have you never heard 'individuality' before? Now don't claim you are being an open minded mom, the truth is, you are not.
-I'm losing my patient of your ramblings. Why everything I did seems to be wrong to you? I know when I said I'm moving out you were shocked, but I guess that's the price you have to pay when you make me feel alienated in the house. I tried to mend things but it didn't work. Ingat petang tadi masa kenduri? You told me to keep an eye on your bag to which I did but then  you told me to get some old newspaper to cover the lauk kenduri in car. Yes I went to get the newspaper, and I left the bag which you were standing nearby. When I came back you were nowhere in sight and then out of nowhere you screamed at me IN FRONT OF PEOPLE telling me I left your bag unattended (get the idea? Yea I'm accused of being careless!). I was really upset the way you treat me. So I assume you really wanted me to leave. Fine.

I don't know whether God really exists. But if God is listening to me right now, please help me. Light up my path.