A: An Autopsy

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Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Adman by day, music writer by night. Closet metalhead on weekends. You may find me weird, but that's just probably you.

I quit smoking and proud of it

Sunday, July 31, 2011

We all want to have a good life, who doesn't want to?

Kalau tuhan tu benar-benar wujud, aku cuma mintak sekali je dia tunjuk kekuasaanNya supaya aku yakin yang dia tu maha adil dan tau dia mendengar permintaan hambaNya.

Ramadhan kali ni, tak ada makna pun. barangkali Raya pun sama.

There are certain facts that I can't face at the moment, I feel life is very unfair. That said, I wish death would come greet me sooner. At least, I can put this torment to end.

I wish I have somebody to talk to, unfortunately I don't have one. You call your life pathetic? Well, you haven't see mine.

I curse you, in fact, I curse everything.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Awas tapir melintas

Once, a young woman blurted out a sentence that I take it very personal to my heart.

"Kau takde kereta kau jangan cakap banyak"

Well, apparently not owning a transportation (in my case, a car) will make you look less cool and people will look you down. And then I began to fantasize this:

One day, when I have my own car (I will name it Vaskania), preferably a black Peugeot 308, the first thing I will do is to find that woman, knock her over from the sidewalk and then proceed to run her over.Twice. Or more. Or until she becomes a bloody mess. And then I will step out from the car and say "You mad?".

A violent and morbid fantasy indeed.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

This time, it's serious. It's been too long.

I thank god and individuals who have been very helpful in helping me to get back on track. Time to run and start conquering the world again. One small step at a time, I told myself.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Distractions from the truth we dare not to face

I have learnt that life itself comprises of yin and yang. Balance. Bad and good. When a good news comes in, you better be ready because a bad news will follow soon after. Vice versa. I guess that is why there's an old saying you better not be overjoyed because you might be crying blood later.I've been living a..how should I put this, a life that I'd never imagined I will ever go through. I came to a point that I say to myself, "Fuck everything, bro. Just go on. If you feel like not doing it, ditch it". I pictured myself plagued by depression for the next few weeks, locking myself in my room, staring into emptiness and waiting for something REAL bad to happen. I even imagined myself died in sleep. And then it came.

With strings of unlucky happenings took place previously, came a news that worth for what I've been waiting for so long. And then, another bad news looming at the horizon.You can't leave me for long, do ya? Then I feel like having someone that I could share with. Someone worth to listen to my stories. Another problem. I don't have one. I never had one. Not that I never tried. I can go and cry to a total stranger but a question will remain. Will it worth it? I decided to keep it to myself and I wonder. Am I worth to anybody? Or have I been repulsive and insensitive to everybody?

"Hello, may I speak to *bleep*?"
"I have something to tell you. Where are you now?"
"Outside.Taking a stroll.What, it's about your *bleep*, is it not?"
"Well..uh yeah.Look, can we talk later when you are home?"
"What's the problem. Tell me now lah."
"No uhh, it's not appropriate to talk when you are doing something else. Can we talk once you are home?"
"I'll be home late.."
"No no problem, I'm not working tomorrow.."
"But I'm working. I'll be tired when I reach home"
"Umm okay. I talk to you soon, I guess"

I felt like going for a shower once I hang the phone. I felt like crying under the cold trickling shower. So I can pretend  I never cry because my tears flow together with the cold water running down my face. I feel empty.

Empty. I feel very lonely. I feel like I'm going back to October 2008. Those agonizing moments ran back into my mind. And here, I am contemplating whether I can make it through once again and live to remember it.

And this, will always playing in my mind whenever I feel down.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

You disgusting pile of shi....

God damn it, bila lu tetiba je galak dengar lagu jiwang macam Anuar Zain ke George Michael, pastu mula nak jaga appearance, baju nak iron selalu, mula pakai balik perfume, rambut mula mau jaga, janggut sudah tamau simpan, kuku selalu pendek, lepas makan sibuk nak floss gigi, selalu tengok cermin pastu sibuk nak kuruskan badan, selalu lawat blog jiwang kongkang eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii apa semua tu? Dah tu sebelum tido tangan letak atas dahi, sengih sorang-sorang what the fuck bro? What the fuck eeeeeeeeee. Dah mula nak rasa connection dengan other human being? All ties must be severed! babasgatwvawasoasaladp! Ok nak dengar Arrora Salwa dulu.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

We are autonomous robotic organism.

Transformers live action film trilogy is finally completed. Personally I think it's far from complete. You say Megatron is the main bad ass villain? No you are freaking wrong. It's Unicron! Yes, only if they feature Unicron, Transformers saga is completed! So uh anyway, I've been listening to Transformers:Prime soundtrack. TF:P is the latest TF cartoon series. TF:P is by far the most interesting series of all (Beast Wars and G1 are my personal favourite as well). Peter Cullen is voicing Prime again! Fuck yeah.

This soundtrack should be in the live action film. Brian Tyler is on par with Steve Jablonsky!

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