The Unblessed 1

Sometimes I don't feel grateful enough of what I have.

Not enough money
Not enough respect gain
Not enough happiness
Not enough love
Not enough time
Not enough everything.

I always feel my existence in this world is merely a supporting act to a show. Never been a main star, so far. Am I really that undeserving?

Staff meeting few hours ago. Fellow creatives unveiled some of their submission for Kancil award. Good? No. Fucking stellar. Mindblowing. I watched for few minutes then huddled myself at a corner. That feeling. Envy. I can't help but feeling envy. Fucking genius, where did they get the idea? Why didn't I think about it earlier? My buddy went ecstatic calling it a breakthrough and some positive shit while I just sat at my place silently.

Thinking how the creative gap that is obviously wide. To date I didn't produce anything that wow my mentor, I'm not even going to mention my ECDs (nice men they are, just listed as top three copywriters with most awards won). I feel ashamed of myself. I tried to write initiatives/scams as much as I can but so far none can impress even myself. What's wrong with me, I don't know.

I need to stop. For now.

I still miss 'Susan Glenn'.



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